Bobby says:

"I want to apologize for not keeping in touch on the blog. I was in the hospital and only recently got out, last Wednesday. So let me tell you where I have been and what is going on with me. They were trying to save my left leg, and in order to do that, they tried to do bypass surgery. That's when they take an artery out and try to attach it to another artery, re-route it to get blood flow to the foot. Unfortunately for me, the bypass didn't take, because the artery was just too clotted. So eventually I'm going to lose my left leg, its going to be in the near future. This is a difficult time for me, because even though the doctors have tried to prepare me for this, its still gets harder each day because I am already experiencing tingling, pain, and coldness in all of my fingertips.

For me its just been really difficult, I'm sure there are many people out there who know exactly what I am talking about and can relate. This is not fun for anybody to go through. But I'm keeping up front that I keep an open mind and pray and believe in God. God is all I've got right now. There is no more work left for the doctors or surgeons or any kind of man for that matter. We've exhausted all of our resources and now I am turned over to God. Now whether or not it happens, He is fully aware that I need a miracle. And sitting here talking to you, waiting for this miracle, is testing my patience and faith. I know I am lucky so far, because I am still alive. I was able to be released from the hospital last week alive.

At this point right now, at least today, I'm not willing to give in. Because I truly know that the devil or the evil forces outside me and the monster inside myself want me to give in. That means if I give in that I have lost the battle and the war. I have nothing else left and the doctors shared with me that once someone reaches the final stages of life, which for me means not having any arms or legs or not being able to take care of oneself or enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed, take themselves off dialysis or do something drastic. In my case, I am on kidney dialysis and the doctors said that if I took myself off dialysis that I would go peacefully and quietly in my sleep. And its an easier way to do it.

But to tell you the truth, I am afraid to die. I am afraid that there is some work that I have to finish. When the time comes, like the doctor said, its a natural way to go. Let nature take its course. But that's the last straw, that's the last thing that I will do when I have done everything else and there is nothing left to do. Right now, all the doctors can do is keep me comfortable. I guess what I am trying to get at with anybody who is reading this, before you throw in the towel, make sure you do everything that you can possibly do for yourself to keep your spirits up and to stay alive and not walk away from this. Because even though we have committed a lot of sins in our lives, be it because you are an addict, or because we fall to the surrounding evil that lurks behind us, as many people have told me, its never too late to bring your spirits back up and redeem yourself. For me, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about all thee things I have done in the past. If I hadn't done them, I wouldn't be in this predicament, but the fact is that I can go through life (or what I have left) and dwell on the things that I did that caused me to be where I am now, or I can take this energy that I have and turn it into a positive notion, and do something good out of it. Whether it is helping somebody else out there who feels the same way I do, or make somebody feel good that there is somebody who is wiling to fight for life with everything they've got, or just to give someone some sign of hope. Believe it or not, when you literally see things like I have, body parts taken from you, the way you feel inside affects the way you look outside. I always thought that if a person is dead inside it won't be long until they are dead completely, unless they fight for it. I'll tell you what, I am tired, I am worn out from everything that is gong on, but I know in my heart I have got to keep doing this, I have got to keep going through what I am going through, and I need to keep doing this till the end. And if anybody else is feeling the way I am feeling, and can relate, the only thing I can say to you is: don't give up. Don't give up! Keep fighting for everything. No matter what we did in the past it doesn't matter, its what we do now that counts. And we can turn whats going on now into something positive. And you might put a smile on somebody's face or save someone's life as well as their own life. Keep the faith, believe in God, believe that there are miracles, whether I am one, or the person next to you is one, or a friend or whoever. As far as I am concerned we are all miracles because we are still alive today.

So until next time, God bless you!"