Hi everyone, and happy Thanksgiving.
Just a quick update. Bobby is having major surgery tonight to try and restore blood flow to his leg. He will be in the OR a minimum of 4 hours. I talked to him right before he went in and he sounded ok, except that he didn't sleep much last night because he was nervous about the operation. He will be in the hospital 4-7 days to recover.
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Even as I typed what you read above, Bobby's mother called me. The bypass didn't work. He is in recovery right now and will be moved upstairs soon. I am going to meet her. We will update as soon as we can.
Thanks for keeping Bobby in your thoughts and prayers. I am sure his spirits will be low, so every last comment or thought you can leave would help.
Brad
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Addiction
It's Bobkat here, and the topic I want to talk about today is addiction. My addiction is so great because with the news that I have gotten (and don't get me wrong, I am in a lot of pain, and I'm talking a lot of pain. My pain is so bad I can't sleep sometimes.) they have me on pain medicine, and what I have to keep in mind is this: is what I am feeling really grounds for a lot of pain that I think I am having or is it really legitimate pain? Well, to me it really is legitimate pain because I feel really bad, you know, I hurt awfully. I tried walking today and I couldn't put any pressure on my foot. When a doctor and I talked about this, he did say they would make me feel as comfortable as they can. And when they did that, I was able to walk and do things. But I didn't feel high, or out of my league. I was able to do that and I want to be able to be around people, do things with my family or friends before I go.
But the addiction is so cunning and baffling, its so easy to misconstrue what is right and wrong. What's really your addiction talking and what's really Bobby and his higher power doing? What I came up with is that when I start to let my addiction take over, that's when Bob starts losing his temper or he starts becoming jealous or nasty because he is not getting what he wants when he wants it. Or feeling like turning it off and throwing in the towel and giving in, listening to your addiction saying, "You know what? There is nothing that they can do. You might as well go finish this off and go out in style." Well, I could do that, and that's the easy way out. I have thought about doing that. But I am hear to tell you, if anybody is going through what I am going through, it's very, very difficult. It hurts to the point where you want to take something or you want to do something so that the pain isn't there anymore.
I've seen people on street corners where I've lived , and I've seen people on TV give up, the bottom line is this, I don't want to give up. I don't want to leave this world with my Mom thinking she didn't do a good job, or my friends thinking they weren't there for me, like Brad, Mario, Julio, my brother Jeff or my younger brother Chris.
All I can say to people out there who have an addictive personality and behavior who got messed up with drugs and alcohol at a young age, because they wanted to fit in, or because they didn't like who they were. You know what? It doesn't matter what you look like or how you act. All that matters is if you are happy and the people around you accept you for who you are. You don't have to be all cool, to go out and get high. It took me a long time to realize that I don't need to get high or drunk to have a good time or to be around people that do that stuff because I want them to like me. I do know that if I give into somebody because of what they are doing, that's just dying, that's not living. Why do something that isn't good for you? Why do something that is wrong? That's not a way to live.
Everything that I did I brought upon myself. But you know what, I'll tell you one thing, I don't want my Mom to think she didn't raise her son right, because she did, I just didn't follow directions. I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I didn't execute God's plan for me. But He did it for me. So if anybody out there is thinking about going back out, picking up and drinking, or drugging because this is the only way of life you know, or because hey my life is already over why not go out with a big bang, don't throw in the towel like that. Its not worth it. If your going to go out, go out clean and sober. Because when it is all said and done, if everybody bet against you or didn't believe in you, they're all going to owe you a great apology. And also you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "I am somebody." regarding what your past says.
God bless you, whoever you are reading this.
But the addiction is so cunning and baffling, its so easy to misconstrue what is right and wrong. What's really your addiction talking and what's really Bobby and his higher power doing? What I came up with is that when I start to let my addiction take over, that's when Bob starts losing his temper or he starts becoming jealous or nasty because he is not getting what he wants when he wants it. Or feeling like turning it off and throwing in the towel and giving in, listening to your addiction saying, "You know what? There is nothing that they can do. You might as well go finish this off and go out in style." Well, I could do that, and that's the easy way out. I have thought about doing that. But I am hear to tell you, if anybody is going through what I am going through, it's very, very difficult. It hurts to the point where you want to take something or you want to do something so that the pain isn't there anymore.
I've seen people on street corners where I've lived , and I've seen people on TV give up, the bottom line is this, I don't want to give up. I don't want to leave this world with my Mom thinking she didn't do a good job, or my friends thinking they weren't there for me, like Brad, Mario, Julio, my brother Jeff or my younger brother Chris.
All I can say to people out there who have an addictive personality and behavior who got messed up with drugs and alcohol at a young age, because they wanted to fit in, or because they didn't like who they were. You know what? It doesn't matter what you look like or how you act. All that matters is if you are happy and the people around you accept you for who you are. You don't have to be all cool, to go out and get high. It took me a long time to realize that I don't need to get high or drunk to have a good time or to be around people that do that stuff because I want them to like me. I do know that if I give into somebody because of what they are doing, that's just dying, that's not living. Why do something that isn't good for you? Why do something that is wrong? That's not a way to live.
Everything that I did I brought upon myself. But you know what, I'll tell you one thing, I don't want my Mom to think she didn't raise her son right, because she did, I just didn't follow directions. I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I didn't execute God's plan for me. But He did it for me. So if anybody out there is thinking about going back out, picking up and drinking, or drugging because this is the only way of life you know, or because hey my life is already over why not go out with a big bang, don't throw in the towel like that. Its not worth it. If your going to go out, go out clean and sober. Because when it is all said and done, if everybody bet against you or didn't believe in you, they're all going to owe you a great apology. And also you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "I am somebody." regarding what your past says.
God bless you, whoever you are reading this.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Update
I visited Bobby last night and he recorded this message. Hope all of you are well!
Bobby says:
"Hello family,
Its bobkat here again. I’m in a different kind of mood this time. First and foremost, I want to apologize for not updating my blog and for not helping somebody out there go through the issues that I am going through. I am back in the hospital again, and this time I got bad news. My foot, my hands, my health, my veins....I am not giving up. I am definitely not giving up, but the bottom line is, I lost another finger, they had to cut down where they took the other fingers before, all the way to the knuckle just to help it heal up better in hopes of saving the hand.
I am definately doing some soul searching since this has gone through, and the question I came up with, it’s a question that has a two part answer, do I regret what I have done in the past or don’t I? Well, a part of me does regret what I did in the past because it brought on how I am now, and I can’t do the things I liked to do. I can’t run anymore, or do the things I was having fun doing, jump, wrestle, box, I can’t do those things anymore. That’s what bothers me on that. Another part of me doesn’t regret it, because if I did regret it, I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing now. I would throw away my strength and hopes. Throwing out how I could make a difference in someone’s life or make it that much better. There’s a lot of people out there that could care less about what people like me and you guys are doing. They just don’t care. And if people like me can get through to you and be able to identify with you, that’s a great honor, that’s a great honor.
I’m striving to do the best I can, because what I have going on today is really difficult for me to handle. But I am not going to give up on it either, I’m not going to throw it away. I’m gong to keep striving to let you guys know that whatever is being put in my way, no matter the road block or illness, I am trying to stay in touch with you guys, to try and help get you guys out of the mood that I am in. In order to stop me from doing that, they are going to need help, they are going to need an army, because I am not giving up yet. So far I am still alive, still living, and I have a great bunch of friends and I still go to church. But like I said I got hit with some real bad news and I am not going to let that throw me off.
To go through the things that I am going through, all I can do is share with you what is going on with me and how I am taking care of it and how I am doing it. You guys have to go through your own set of problems and work them out the best you can. And I am telling you, don’t be afraid to pray to God. Ask him for your health. Ask him to heal you. Don’t be afraid to ask him to help you to stay alive.
I’m starting to get tired, but God bless you, you’ll here back from bobkat real soon. Again, God bless you."
Bobby says:
"Hello family,
Its bobkat here again. I’m in a different kind of mood this time. First and foremost, I want to apologize for not updating my blog and for not helping somebody out there go through the issues that I am going through. I am back in the hospital again, and this time I got bad news. My foot, my hands, my health, my veins....I am not giving up. I am definitely not giving up, but the bottom line is, I lost another finger, they had to cut down where they took the other fingers before, all the way to the knuckle just to help it heal up better in hopes of saving the hand.
I am definately doing some soul searching since this has gone through, and the question I came up with, it’s a question that has a two part answer, do I regret what I have done in the past or don’t I? Well, a part of me does regret what I did in the past because it brought on how I am now, and I can’t do the things I liked to do. I can’t run anymore, or do the things I was having fun doing, jump, wrestle, box, I can’t do those things anymore. That’s what bothers me on that. Another part of me doesn’t regret it, because if I did regret it, I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing now. I would throw away my strength and hopes. Throwing out how I could make a difference in someone’s life or make it that much better. There’s a lot of people out there that could care less about what people like me and you guys are doing. They just don’t care. And if people like me can get through to you and be able to identify with you, that’s a great honor, that’s a great honor.
I’m striving to do the best I can, because what I have going on today is really difficult for me to handle. But I am not going to give up on it either, I’m not going to throw it away. I’m gong to keep striving to let you guys know that whatever is being put in my way, no matter the road block or illness, I am trying to stay in touch with you guys, to try and help get you guys out of the mood that I am in. In order to stop me from doing that, they are going to need help, they are going to need an army, because I am not giving up yet. So far I am still alive, still living, and I have a great bunch of friends and I still go to church. But like I said I got hit with some real bad news and I am not going to let that throw me off.
To go through the things that I am going through, all I can do is share with you what is going on with me and how I am taking care of it and how I am doing it. You guys have to go through your own set of problems and work them out the best you can. And I am telling you, don’t be afraid to pray to God. Ask him for your health. Ask him to heal you. Don’t be afraid to ask him to help you to stay alive.
I’m starting to get tired, but God bless you, you’ll here back from bobkat real soon. Again, God bless you."
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