Here is Bobby's first blog entry since leaving the rehab center. We sat down on Monday night. He spoke, I typed. Again, I have made small edits to sentences so that it is easier to read, but these are his words.
Bobby:
"I did not take the problems with my body seriously in the beginning. I thought it was a way to get out of school. I can remember the most exciting part of my day was going to work with my mom, getting a wrestling magazine and going to lunch with her after my doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t a happy time for me. When I would hear mom and dad talk about me, I knew something wasn’t right.
With this illness, I have endured a lot of things. For example, I never hit puberty and I have a lot of insecurity. I knew that I couldn’t do a lot of things that other kids could, and I had to compromise in other ways. I didn’t like to live my life like that, knowing I was different, so I became very rebellious, bitter and angry. One thing I have to say, though, is I have never forgotten what my Mom has done for me.
The disease I have is forever, it is never going to go away. It’s been something I have had to deal with for a very, very long time. It hasn’t been easy. Maybe that’s why I turned to drugs and alcohol. Why I didn’t turn to my mom or dad because there was nothing they could do about my illness, they could take me here or take me there, but nothing about it was ever going to change.
I hope that anybody who has a chance to read what I am sharing knows that they have a lot of ways to deal with their illness. This does not have to end. You do not have to give up. You CAN survive, you CAN live life. I recently had two fingers amputated and found out that I have very poor circulation. I am not getting sufficient blood flow in my body. But I can’t worry about that right now. I have to work on today.
I do know this: out of everything that I have gone through...and I mean this from the bottom of my heart...my mom is the reason that I am still alive. If it weren’t for her I would have died a long time ago.
As far as my past, I always knew days like this were coming, and my mom warned me but I didn’t listen. Asking for help is not a weak thing. It’s not about pride. It’s about doing the right thing, and finding out what I have to do to live. For me, I didn’t believe that and it hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s too late for me now, but it isn’t too late for anybody who reads and thinks that it is. Remember, illnesses do not discriminate. They don’t care what you look like or if you are having a bad day. They will attack. Don’t give them the pleasure, and don’t be afraid to ask for help."
Showing posts with label health problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health problems. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Update
Hello All!
Bobby got out of the rehab center on Sunday, not a moment too soon. We had dinner the night he got out and he told me some disturbing things, for example, the doctor told him that if he didn't like it there, he could leave. Then they brought him a fish dinner despite the "allergic to fish" bracelet he had on. And finally, the medication snafu, where the hospital and the rehab center didn't communicate and he didn't have his medicines for the better part of 24 hours.
He was dialyzed Monday and yesterday, trying to get back to his dry weight. He still has bandages on his hands. Despite that, he is in pretty good spirits and eager to work on this blog. I will post another session later today (EST, USA) where he will give a little history of his illness, how it affected him as a child, and advice for people with similar health challenges.
Check back later tonight or tomorrow for that post. Thanks for visiting and please let us know you were here!
Bobby got out of the rehab center on Sunday, not a moment too soon. We had dinner the night he got out and he told me some disturbing things, for example, the doctor told him that if he didn't like it there, he could leave. Then they brought him a fish dinner despite the "allergic to fish" bracelet he had on. And finally, the medication snafu, where the hospital and the rehab center didn't communicate and he didn't have his medicines for the better part of 24 hours.
He was dialyzed Monday and yesterday, trying to get back to his dry weight. He still has bandages on his hands. Despite that, he is in pretty good spirits and eager to work on this blog. I will post another session later today (EST, USA) where he will give a little history of his illness, how it affected him as a child, and advice for people with similar health challenges.
Check back later tonight or tomorrow for that post. Thanks for visiting and please let us know you were here!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Update
Bobby has been in the hospital now for almost a month. Over the last year he has been in and out of different hospitals at least ten times. Because of his deteriorating arteries, he has lost two fingers, one on each hand. As he would say, its just one thing after another. He was sent home last week, and on the same day he got home he fell and damaged his groin. The next morning he woke up in too much pain to walk, called the rescue squad who brought him to the hospital yet again, this time needing emergency surgery to fix a bad hernia. The operation has made it difficult to walk, but he is making progress. Tomorrow he is told they will transfer him to a rehabilitation facility until he is well enough to get around on his own. Needless to say, between the arterial disease in his arms, the loss of his fingers, and this most recent operation, he is fighting depression. His doctors aren't specifically saying what will happen, but he is not encouraged. Because of the H1N1 flu, visiting hours are restricted and I have not been able to visit as much as I would like. But we do talk about twice a day on the phone. Bobby really needs to catch a break. Please take a moment to leave him a word or two of encouragement and let him know that people are out there praying for him.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Introduction
Welcome and thank you for visiting!
I have known Bobby for almost a year now. We have been talking about ways to share his story and a blog seemed like a good way to not only put his thoughts and experiences down in writing, but also connect with other people who have had similar experiences. Bobby tells me that he wants good things to come out of his life and one way to make that happen is to talk about his challenges, mistakes or successes in order to give others some insight into their own lives. Of course, that goes both ways, and he would very much like to hear about your stories, that they might impact him constructively.
So, by way of introduction, here is Bobby in his own words:
"My name is Bobby and this is my blog. This is how my life came about. The experience and the mistakes. The consequences that I have endured and what I have to do now to turn it around. The bottom line is this, I have made a lot of mistakes, and I do know one thing, that with everything that I have done I know that if anybody reads this, listens to this, hears this that I am living proof that you are able to change your life if you give yourself a chance. Because if you don't, you just may die."
Bobby has a lot on his plate. And that's understating it. When he was in his teens, his kidney's were found to be poly cystic. He got his first transplant at 18, his second at 30. Seven years later, last February, Bobby's kidney stopped working and he has been on dialysis three times a week, three and half hours at a time since then. He has other ailments, the most severe of which are gout, diabetes, and peripheral artery disease. He takes 13 kinds of medication including drugs to control the constant, chronic pain.
There is more to Bobby's story than his medical history. One of the main reasons he wanted to write this blog was to talk about his history of substance abuse. This is also an affliction that hit Bobby in his teens. First he was a 13 year old trying marijuana, forcing himself to drink beer (though he hated the taste), in order to fit in with the kids around him. Then he was 16 with a cocaine and LSD habit. Three years later he was sentenced to three years in jail and one year of in-house rehab for intent to distribute LSD and probation violation. As a result of the drug use he has lost many battles but Bobby continues to wage war on the urge to use and over the last year has won, he is clean. He knows he’ll never totally win the war against drug abuse, but he thinks he just may be able to get through to someone who can win that war. Maybe he can help that person walk away from it early on. When he can, he stays active with church, NA and AA groups. He says, “I am living proof that there is a God. And I can tell you, there definitely is a hell. I have seen marijuana to opiates to cocaine, just pure evil that makes harsh things happen. There has to be a heaven, but you have to realize that you can’t do it by yourself. Bottom line, this is a war. It's not just about drugs and alcohol, its about ourselves. Reprogramming our minds and doing something different. We need to realize that we can get by without drugs or alcohol or sexual urges or using violence to solve problems. When we don't realize that, those times are when we allow ourselves to be influenced by the devil. That’s when we are in denial. The definition of DENIAL is: Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.
If you know of others going through an addiction to drugs or alcohol, or are a user yourself, this blog is for you. Bobby wants to share his story so that you can apply his lessons in your life or the life of a loved one.
Surrounding those two very big issues that Bobby deals with is his faith. God is a part of Bobby's life. Five months ago he was baptized at our church in Sterling, VA. Surrounded by his loved ones, he reaffirmed his commitment to Christ. I think it was an important moment for him. See, sometimes Bobby's troubles make him question, where is God right now? Why doesn't he talk to me? Can't I just get a break from ONE of my medical problems? The profound thing is that despite his suffering, he has learned to listen for God's answers to those questions. He is finding that the key is not what is happening with his body, its what happens in his heart and mind. And though that does not give an instant answer to those tough questions, it is remarkable that he remains dedicated to nurturing his relationship with God. It is our hope that you read into that and say, if he can do it, I can do it.
I will update with news from Bobby as often as I can. He would very much like you to comment about things you read, so please let us know you were here.
Talk to you soon.
I have known Bobby for almost a year now. We have been talking about ways to share his story and a blog seemed like a good way to not only put his thoughts and experiences down in writing, but also connect with other people who have had similar experiences. Bobby tells me that he wants good things to come out of his life and one way to make that happen is to talk about his challenges, mistakes or successes in order to give others some insight into their own lives. Of course, that goes both ways, and he would very much like to hear about your stories, that they might impact him constructively.
So, by way of introduction, here is Bobby in his own words:
"My name is Bobby and this is my blog. This is how my life came about. The experience and the mistakes. The consequences that I have endured and what I have to do now to turn it around. The bottom line is this, I have made a lot of mistakes, and I do know one thing, that with everything that I have done I know that if anybody reads this, listens to this, hears this that I am living proof that you are able to change your life if you give yourself a chance. Because if you don't, you just may die."
Bobby has a lot on his plate. And that's understating it. When he was in his teens, his kidney's were found to be poly cystic. He got his first transplant at 18, his second at 30. Seven years later, last February, Bobby's kidney stopped working and he has been on dialysis three times a week, three and half hours at a time since then. He has other ailments, the most severe of which are gout, diabetes, and peripheral artery disease. He takes 13 kinds of medication including drugs to control the constant, chronic pain.
There is more to Bobby's story than his medical history. One of the main reasons he wanted to write this blog was to talk about his history of substance abuse. This is also an affliction that hit Bobby in his teens. First he was a 13 year old trying marijuana, forcing himself to drink beer (though he hated the taste), in order to fit in with the kids around him. Then he was 16 with a cocaine and LSD habit. Three years later he was sentenced to three years in jail and one year of in-house rehab for intent to distribute LSD and probation violation. As a result of the drug use he has lost many battles but Bobby continues to wage war on the urge to use and over the last year has won, he is clean. He knows he’ll never totally win the war against drug abuse, but he thinks he just may be able to get through to someone who can win that war. Maybe he can help that person walk away from it early on. When he can, he stays active with church, NA and AA groups. He says, “I am living proof that there is a God. And I can tell you, there definitely is a hell. I have seen marijuana to opiates to cocaine, just pure evil that makes harsh things happen. There has to be a heaven, but you have to realize that you can’t do it by yourself. Bottom line, this is a war. It's not just about drugs and alcohol, its about ourselves. Reprogramming our minds and doing something different. We need to realize that we can get by without drugs or alcohol or sexual urges or using violence to solve problems. When we don't realize that, those times are when we allow ourselves to be influenced by the devil. That’s when we are in denial. The definition of DENIAL is: Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.
If you know of others going through an addiction to drugs or alcohol, or are a user yourself, this blog is for you. Bobby wants to share his story so that you can apply his lessons in your life or the life of a loved one.
Surrounding those two very big issues that Bobby deals with is his faith. God is a part of Bobby's life. Five months ago he was baptized at our church in Sterling, VA. Surrounded by his loved ones, he reaffirmed his commitment to Christ. I think it was an important moment for him. See, sometimes Bobby's troubles make him question, where is God right now? Why doesn't he talk to me? Can't I just get a break from ONE of my medical problems? The profound thing is that despite his suffering, he has learned to listen for God's answers to those questions. He is finding that the key is not what is happening with his body, its what happens in his heart and mind. And though that does not give an instant answer to those tough questions, it is remarkable that he remains dedicated to nurturing his relationship with God. It is our hope that you read into that and say, if he can do it, I can do it.
I will update with news from Bobby as often as I can. He would very much like you to comment about things you read, so please let us know you were here.
Talk to you soon.
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